ONLINE COUPLES THERAPY · CO, DC, ME, OR & VA
Find your way back to each other in the second half of life.
The kids are grown, work is winding down, and the two of you are looking at each other across a quieter house. IFS couples therapy helps you understand what has come between you and build the next chapter together.
What the …?
“We’re more like roommates than partners.”
“Now that the kids are gone, what do we talk about?”
“I’ve stopped bringing things up.”
“Nothing I do seems to be enough.”
“I miss us.”
Behind each of these is a part trying to protect something tender.
WHAT BRINGS COUPLES HERE
You built a life together. Now you’re not sure how to share it.
On the surface
The same argument on repeat, or long stretches of polite silence. One of you pushes to talk and the other pulls away. Retirement plans, aging parents, a changing body, a loss. Less touch and less laughter than there used to be.
Inside
Loneliness beside the person you chose. A feeling of being criticized, or unseen, or taken for granted. A quiet fear that you’ve grown too far apart, and that it’s too late to change.
What it means
You want to feel known and chosen again. You want to say hard things and stay close. You want the years ahead to be something you plan together.
WHAT’S HAPPENING UNDERNEATH
You’re both caught in the same cycle
Most couples who feel stuck are repeating one pattern in many disguises. It often runs like this:
Something small happens. A tone of voice, a forgotten errand, a phone at the dinner table.
A protective part of one partner reacts. It criticizes, pushes, or keeps score.
A protective part of the other reacts to that. It defends, goes quiet, or leaves the room.
Each reaction confirms the other’s worst fear: I don’t matter, or I can never get it right.
Both of you are protecting something tender, and neither of you is the villain. Once you can see the cycle, you can step out of it together.
Midlife raises the stakes. Children leaving, careers ending, hormonal changes, and losses all stir up parts that stayed quiet while life was busy.
YOUR CLINICAL THERAPIST
Kathy Manning, LCSW
Certified IFS Therapist · Level 3 trained · IFIO trained
It hurts to feel far from the person who knows you best. It takes courage for two people to say, out loud, that they want something better.
I know this from the inside. When my first marriage ended, a part of me vowed to figure it out. In my second marriage I’ve been living what that vow was reaching for: being real, loving and being loved, and having the hard conversations instead of avoiding them. I was an IFS client long before I became an IFS therapist, and I still do this work in my own life.
Helping people hear each other has been my work for a long time. Before I became a therapist I spent years in international affairs and earned a graduate degree in conflict resolution. Today I’m a licensed clinical social worker and a Certified IFS Therapist, trained in Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO), the couples therapy built on Internal Family Systems. I don’t take sides. My job is to slow things down enough that each of you feels heard and you can hear each other.
Lived experience
Two marriages, and years of my own IFS work
Trained in IFIO
A structured, compassionate approach to couples work
Graduate training in conflict resolution
Master of Science in Conflict Analysis and Resolution, in addition to my clinical degree
Certified IFS Therapist, Level 3 trained
Advanced training in Internal Family Systems through the IFS Institute
Master of Social Work
Catholic University of America, with clinical training at the VA Medical Center in Washington DC
Licensed in five places
Colorado, Maine, Oregon, Virginia, and Washington DC
STEPS TO GET STARTED
Three simple steps to your first conversation
1. Fill out a short contact form
Tell me a little about yourself and what’s bringing you in. It takes just a few minutes and it is secure, your privacy is protected from the start.
2. Schedule a free 30-minute call
Pick a time that works for you. We’ll meet by secure video.
3. We talk
You tell me what’s been hard lately, and we see whether we’re a good fit. No pressure, and no commitment.
WHAT WORKING TOGETHER LOOKS LIKE
A clear unhurried path
1. We map your cycle
We slow down a recent hard moment and trace it step by step, so you can both see the pattern and stop blaming each other for it.
2. Each of you looks inward
You get to know the part of you that reacts, and what it’s protecting. Your partner listens while you do. Then you trade places.
3. You speak and listen differently
You practice speaking for your parts, not from them. We practice speaking, “a part of me felt hurt” in place of an attack. You learn to repair after a rupture.
A relationship is tended, not fixed. Like a garden, it responds to steady attention more than to grand gestures.
WHAT’S AT STAKE
The next twenty years, together
If something changes
Couples often describe relief at finally understanding each other. Arguments get shorter. Curiosity comes back, and so does warmth. You start making plans as a team.
If nothing changes
The cycle keeps running. Distance hardens into habit, and you each manage alone. The years you worked toward arrive, and you spend them side by side but apart.
WHAT CHANGE CAN LOOK LIKE
WHAT CHANGE CAN LOOK LIKE
Closer, in ways you can feel
IFS calls the calm, wise center in each of us the Self. When both partners can lead from Self, these qualities show up between you.
Calm
Disagreements stay steadier, and end with repair, sometimes the same day.
Connectedness
There is more ease, more touch, and more laughter in the house.
Clarity
You hear the request inside a complaint, without bracing for an attack.
Creativity
You talk about what’s next, and you both sound interested.
Confidence
You trust that your relationship can hold a hard conversation.
Curiosity
You catch the cycle as it starts, and one of you asks what’s underneath.
Courage
You say the vulnerable thing, and you both stay in the room.
Compassion
You can say “a part of me is scared” and be met with care.
A plant isn’t failing when it grows the way it was made to grow. It still deserves good care.
Not ready to call yet? Download the free Couples Check-In, a short journal guide you each fill out on your own and then share. It helps you notice what's changed between you, and which parts of each of you step in when things get hard.
IFS IFIO COUPLES THERAPY IN PLAIN LANGUAGE
Intimacy from the Inside Out
Intimacy from the Inside Out, or IFIO, was developed by Toni Herbine-Blank as a way of bringing Internal Family Systems to couples. IFS holds that each of us has many parts, and that each part is trying to protect us. In a relationship, your protective parts and your partner’s protective parts end up in conversation with each other, often without either of you choosing it.
IFIO helps each of you turn inward first, get to know the part that is reacting, and then speak on its behalf with calm and clarity. When both partners can do that, the conversation changes. You stop defending and start understanding.
IS THIS THE RIGHT FIT?
Who I work with
A good fit
Couples in midlife and beyond
An emptying nest, retirement, or a “what’s next?” season
Strain from caring for aging parents, health changes, menopause, or loss
Distance, recurring arguments, or trouble talking about what matters
Two people who both want to try
Better served elsewhere
Relationships with violence, threats, or fear of a partner
Recovery from a recent or ongoing affair
Couples whose main concern is parenting young children
If one of these describes you, I’m glad to suggest a referral. If you are afraid of your partner, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available at 1-800-799-7233.
QUESTIONS
Before you reach out
What if my partner isn’t sure about therapy?
That’s common. The free call is a low-pressure way for both of you to meet me and ask questions before deciding anything.
Will you take sides?
No. In this approach the pattern between you is what we work on. Each of you gets equal time and equal care.
How does online couples therapy work?
We meet by secure video. You can sit together or join from separate places. Both of you need to be located in a state where I’m licensed during our sessions.
Do you also meet with us individually?
Sometimes, early on, to understand each of your histories. The work itself happens with both of you in the room.
What if we’re not sure we want to stay together?
You don’t need to be certain. Couples therapy can help you decide with more clarity and less damage, whichever way you go.
Do you take insurance for couples therapy?
Couples therapy is usually private pay. Some plans reimburse conjoint sessions (CPT 90847) when one partner has a diagnosis and the couples work is part of treating it. See Cost & Coverage.
Is therapy online?
Yes. We meet by secure video, from wherever you have privacy.
Is online therapy as effective as in person?
For most people, yes. IFS works well by video, and many couples appreciate not adding a commute or coordinating same location to an already full week.
TAKE THE FIRST STEP
Ready to turn toward each other again?
Fill out a short form and schedule a free 30-minute video call. We’ll talk about what’s been happening between you and whether working with me is a good fit.